When you are the wife (or husband) of a raid leader, things are always a bit more stressful. As any good raider, I want to do my best. However, when your spouse is the one calling the shots, it can be a little hard on you.
Let’s take Sunday night’s raid for example.
Our guild has already downed Garalon, a couple of weeks ago in fact, but I wasn’t there for the initial kill. Which means that a lot of ‘figuring out’ things were already dealt with. Well, tonight it was decided that one of the other healers would sit and I would be given a chance to ‘strut my stuff’ as the person who pulls that giant stupid bug and starts the kiting off.
I was so proud, I was going to get to show everyone that I was a good player and that I knew my stuff. And then I pulled. And then the bug ran after the dps and we wiped and I was just sitting there staring at the computer like “WTF Just happened?”
And my beloved husband turns to me and says “WTF just happened?” And I instantly get defensive. And then the bickering begins. I wasn’t the closest one to the bug, he says. You have to be standing between his front legs, he says. You need to stand there for 2 seconds and then move over to the wall, he says.
So we run back in and I pull again. This time I pull him to me (towards the stairs) and start running around the room clockwise, because that is the logical way for ME IN MY HEAD to do so. And apparently all hell breaks loose in the raid because we’ve ONLY EVER DONE IT THE OTHER WAY and OMG ARE YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION WHEN YOU ARE HEALING?
Yes, I huff back, I am paying attention. To health bars, to where the freaking cleave is, but I don’t stop to think “Which way are we going, is this clockwise, is this usual?” I am normally thinking “WTF, WHY IS THE HUNTER NOT IN RANGE, WHERE IS THE WARRIOR, HOLY CRAP WHY IS EVERYONE TAKING SO MUCH FREAKING DAMAGE????”
He huffs at me that he knows these things, why shouldn’t I. I huff back at him he can’t even tell when people are dead, I have to tell him that. And before long we’re glaring at each other and ignoring vent/chat.
Now, these times are few and far between (though they’ve been a little more common during Mists) but when I fail in raid, I feel like I’ve failed my husband. That is the last feeling I ever want to have between us. The feeling of failure, or of being let down. I’m not saying that I’ve never let him down but to have that feeling between us is one I actively try to avoid. (As is the case with most couples, I am assuming.)
By the end of raid time, we were both frustrated. In our remodeling, something happened to the internet and it started flickering off and on before raid. We’d fixed it by then but still, that is a stress that you don’t need to worry about before a raid time. Then, during raid, a big storm hit our area and our power flickered not once, not twice but three times in a row. I was sure we were going to lose power and I went off and found the flash light and lit some candles. I’m sure the added stress of not know if we’d be there didn’t help.
Over all, the game draws us closer together. It’s something we do in partnership and we are very good at communicating both in and out of game. We’ve been together long enough. But it’s never pleasant to feel like you’ve let your partner down. And that is why after raid days like Sunday’s raid, it’s good to step away from the keyboard and do something together that you know you won’t fight over. Be it something simple like unloading the dishwasher, folding the laundry, or more complex like moving the TV into the new game room, it’s good to touch base outside of the game and remind both of you that the game is not the end all be all of your relationship. Remember the stuff that happens outside the game is more important.
You’ll be happier in the end if you remember that.